Everybody’s Friend
AUGUST 2020 | DIGITAL STORYTELLING
There's this incredibly depressing song by Taylor Swift called "Ronan" about a four-year-old little boy who dies from some sort of cancer and how his mother is grieving for his loss.
My mom always wonders why some little kids are miraculously healed while other little children suffer and die their short lives. The last time we talked about it wasn't too long ago, when we were driving in the car - just me and her - and she asked, “Why does God save one and not the other?” and I dropped the conversation because I didn't know the answer, and there were tears in her eyes. Mom likes to be left alone when she's upset.
I have a friend named Ronan. He is one of the most unique, energetic, and loving people I've ever known. I met him first semester freshman year of college through my campus ministry, and although I can't remember the exact moment, place, or time we met, I do remember being amazed, and having the thought, “there is no one else like him.”
Ronan to me is one of those acquaintance friends that you don't see as often as you should, but when you do get to see them, you have deep conversations that are really impactful. I don't have many of those people in my life, but of course, Ronan is the exception to many things, including this one. Ronan and I would get personal about some things we struggle with, and although ours would be different, we both related to the struggle of poor grades, lack of community, and feelings of insecurity and being unloved. How ironic - you would never guess that Ronan would have insecurity issues or that he struggled finding a close group of friends because it seems like he was friends with everybody. He would walk into our dining hall and say hi to almost everybody he encountered. If there was a new person within his proximity, immediately he would reach out and talk to that person. Ronan is inclusive, and he really embraces Jesus’ command when he says "love your neighbor."
Ronan is also a complex character because his last name is Patel, and he loves country music. It’s just something you don’t hear paired together very often. He likes to fish, sometimes hunt, camp, hike, and mountain climb. Most of his activities include something energetic and physical (which is funny to me because I cannot relate at all). Ronan is very passionate, whether it's about people or what he believes in, or what he loves, and his passion is a real genuine passion; you can tell because he acts boldly upon them. He doesn't just say he wants to do something and flakes out last minute; he is committed. His loyalty is absurd. I admire him for the way he values and respects and treats his friends. He can be a little moody sometimes, he loves to dance, and he can start any conversation anywhere.
One thing that Ronan and I share in common is the uncertainty of the unknown; in other words, we have no idea what the hell we’re going to do with the rest of our lives. We both were changing majors constantly, we both didn't have a passion for anything school related, and we both struggled trying to find a purpose that was outside of getting to know people. Ronan tried all different types of engineering, but it wasn't his strong suit. His goal was to go into the army, but he kept changing his mind on how to get there. Ronan and I would have plenty of conversations about this, and I remember confiding to him one day on campus, saying, “Sometimes I feel like I don't have a future, and I'm afraid that because I can't picture it, it doesn't exist, and that my life is short, and I only have so much time left, and I won't get to live my life like everyone else.”
Perhaps Ronan felt the same way. He’s never verbally confirmed this, but he's alluded to it a couple of times.
It gets really scary with that gut feeling you've had for so long becomes a reality.
Almost two weeks ago, Ronan was doing what he loved- rock climbing - and fell 30 feet. He was airlifted to the hospital immediately. He's been in a medically-induced coma ever since.
I first heard about it through my friend, Haley Blanchard, as I returned home from getting some groceries. I was the only one home, and I tried to put away the food, and the next thing I knew I was on the floor, and I couldn't breathe. That's my friend - that's someone I love and I care about and I don't think I'll ever see again.
Screaming. Crying. The usual stuff you do when you're upset. I was out of it for the whole rest of the day, and I couldn't focus on anything.
I thought about my dad’s friend all day. I never met him - I wasn’t alive - but apparently he was a good guy. He drowned in the Chattahoochee River the summer my dad was sixteen. After the third time my dad swam and tried to rescue him, his friend finally had a grip on a large stick the others were reaching out to him. Daddy says he was only a couple of feet away when his friend let go. Why did he let go? the question that has haunted him for over thirty years.
I was in the dark for a couple of days. Seemed like ten times every hour I was checking Facebook for the announcement of his death. I kept praying, not in faith, but in anxiety. Why would I think that God would heal him? There are so many people in the world that die unjustly, unfairly, and why would my friend be the exception of that?
Frequent Facebook checks and nervous nail-biting ate all my free time. A few days go by after the initial news reporting, and I still know nothing. I finally asked Haley how he's doing; maybe she has some insight on how he is. She asked if I'm in the group message. I say no. She adds me. Scrolling back to many previous messages, I found friends and strangers lift Ronan not just in thought, but with action. In Athens, a smaller group of people gathered at 2 o'clock on a Wednesday to fast and pray for Ronan. A movement of mostly college kids praying desperately are fighting this tragedy with everything they have, as they remind each other of the hope that Ronan will be healed.
Hundreds of people all in one Groupme are praying for Ronan. The prayer hour tradition continues; everyday at 2 o’clock, people all across the country pray together to ask God for healing and peace and restoration for Ronan and his family. It’s wild. Everyday Ronan’s mom gives updates, and everyday people respond with prayers and Bible verses and encouragement notes. It only took a minute reading for tears to well up in my eyes. I’ve never seen anything so powerful without a physical presence.
No matter how Ronan is doing, people pray. No matter the shit that goes on in the world, people pray. No matter how much ridicule is given to our stupid acts of oblivion, people pray. A community so rooted in love for Ronan pray with a “warrior spirit” - as he would call it - to a possible imaginary being that may or may not be in control of our futures. But that’s why it’s called faith, I guess. Believing the impossible with confidence and fear at the same time, holding them without trying to resolve the tension from either. It's like holding a hot coal and an ice cube in each hand without letting go or bringing them together. Though it’s uncomfortable, if it’s doing something, whether it’s showing Ronan we care or actually asking a divine force to whip up a miracle, it’s worth holding onto.
Ronan, you’re worth holding onto.
